Monday, March 23, 2015

A friend tipped me off about this stuff this morning while we were in the grocery store.  She knew about my blog.  I must say, there were some strange looks from other shoppers when she called out, "It's AWFUL; you've got to try it!"  but I was just delighted because it was such perfect timing--I didn't have a disappointment to review this week!

So I rushed home with StarKist's "original deli style" prepared tuna mix and had me a taste.  And that's all I had.  I don't know what deli they got this recipe from but I've never had deli tuna salad that tasted like vinegar before.  I put the rest of it out back for the feral cats.

Something tells me they won't like it either.
 

Monday, March 16, 2015

Before I give you this week's photo I want you to ponder a phrase, okay?  Here it is: sweet soup.  That's right, sweet soup.  Does that sound appealing to you?  Don't most of us prefer to have the "sweet" for dessert, not the main course?
Butternut squash is a favorite of mine, although I seldom prepare it because it's so hard to peel and I always sprain my hand trying.  So I was hoping this product would fill the aching void of not-enough-squash-in-my-life.  The problem is, with 12g of sugar per serving, it's just too sweet.  Now mind you, 12g of sugar in a canned soup is not unheard of.  In a tomato soup, for instance, it's really needed to offset the effect of "acid tomato."  But in a tomato soup, you don't notice the sugar.  Alas, the delicate flavor of squash just can't compete.

Okay, you may stop thinking "sweet soup" now.  Just don't buy any.  You've been warned.
 

Monday, March 9, 2015

This time, Pepperidge Farm wants us to reimagine dessert.

Anything to sell more cookies, I suppose.  Well, I was a sucker once again but this is the last time, especially if I see "reimagined" on the package.

This variety is supposed to offer the experience of blueberry cobbler.  It doesn't.  While there is a distinct blueberry flavor, I wasn't able to finish the one cookie I sampled.  Too soggy.  In fact, I knew before I had taken the first bite that I wasn't going to be pleased, just from the moist, sticky, limp feel of it as it came out of the package.  It's that "raw cookie dough" effect again.  

I was inspired to look up an actual recipe for blueberry cobbler, though. Sounds like a great idea when it's not a cookie with pretensions!

 

Monday, March 2, 2015

I love apples and I love carrots, but not pureed together.  And what, you ask, does this have to do with Mott's peach/apple-flavored Fruit & Veggie Snack???

Their pear flavored variety is delicious.  That's why I decided to try this one. Really, doesn't "peach/apple" sound like a great combination to you?  Imagine my surprise when I started to eat, and all I could think of was carrots.  So I read the ingredients list.  Here it is:

Apples, water, carrot juice concentrate, clarified carrot juice concentrate, cucumber juice concentrate, natural flavors, green bell pepper juice concentrate, fruit and vegetable juice concentrate, ascorbic acid, lemon juice concentrate...

Did you notice that peaches are not mentioned at all? Maybe there's a peach component of the "fruit and vegetable juice concentrate" but if so, it's not enough to impart even a trace of peach to the overall flavor.

In conclusion, if you're looking for a peach flavored pudding type of snack or dessert, try yogurt.

Monday, February 23, 2015

I should have learned my lesson with their "Tomato Florentine" (see earlier post) but I wanted to give Progresso one more chance to prove they can make a palatable tomato soup. But I guess I'll never know, because after this I'm not buying any more of their tomato varieties. If you want to experience the actual taste of "Creamy Tomato with Bacon and Cheese" (sounds wonderful, doesn't it?), then simply pour a can of tomato sauce into a pan, heat, and eat.  "Creamy Tomato with Bacon and Cheese" isn't creamy enough to offset the effect of "acid tomato", and there is no detectable flavor of bacon or cheese.

I've spent years walking past their tomato varieties.  I'm happy to resume.

Monday, February 16, 2015

We're very fond of Newman's Own frozen pizza but it's pricey, so I decided to try a cheaper brand.  And since I love cheese, this mouth-watering box photo caught my eye.  But let me ask you--  Do you see a layer of tomato sauce under that cheese? Neither do I.  But that is what you get--a thick layer of tomato sauce with a (very) thin layer of cheese on top.  Any cheese flavor is completely overwhelmed by the tomato sauce and salt content of this product.  In fact, the basic taste experience is "tomato sauce", not cheese, and certainly not anything remotely approaching the exciting 4-cheese description you see in that blue bar on the front of the package.  In conclusion, I recommend that the Red Baron stick to flying planes.  A pizza-maker he ain't.

Monday, February 9, 2015

I'm not a big fan of commercially baked cookies. They're all too sweet and I don't like the superfine texture. But now and then I succumb.  It happens I would truly enjoy a mid-morning snack to go with my tea (Like the British, I indulge in "elevenses" most days) but I have yet to find anything that satisfies without being overly sweet and/or gooey.  This cookie/coffee-cake hybrid (or so the wording on the bag suggests) seemed like it might be just the thing.  And then I tried it.

Really, it's just another cookie, and not a very good one at that.  For one thing, it's soggy (I've noticed that "soft-baked" in commercially baked cookies tends to come across as "under-baked"; no exception here).  There's nothing "cinnamon bun" about it except for an aspect of the flavor (the other aspect is pumpkin and I've never liked pumpkin). 

I will have to "re-imagine" my morning some other way.  In the meantime, if anybody reading this is in the mood for a cinnamon bun, then I suggest you buy an actual cinnamon bun.  This product will not deliver the same experience.

Monday, February 2, 2015

This seemed like a good idea at the time.

I should pause and explain something.  I am such an easily disappointed person that I have a grading system for my degree of disappointment with #1 being a mere shrug and #10 being a howling, flailing tantrum of outrage. That said, I would place my reaction to the above product somewhere around #3-4.

The soup is nowhere near as thick and lumpy as depicted in that appetizing box photo. I would describe the taste experience as "overly-salty white sauce with an occasional diced potato."

Oh, all right.  You want to know my entire grading system.  Very well:

1 -- shrug
2 -- "nothing to write home about"
3 -- thumb down
4 -- thumb down and head shake
5 -- two thumbs down
6 -- two thumbs down and head shake
7 -- wincing recoil and words like "ugh," "eew," "bletch."
8 -- wincing recoil, explosive raspberry (after swallowing)
9 -- wincing recoil, explosive raspberry (pre-swallowing; stand back); headlong rush to scrape item down sink disposer.
10 - "AAAAAAAACK," "EEEEWWW," *GAG**GAG**GAG* 
(flailing/stomping, possibly throwing self on floor) (Hey, why hold back?)

Monday, January 26, 2015

The only thing chocolaty about this product is that oh-so-alluring label.  From the unappetizing yellow-green color of the yogurt to the utterly tasteless bits of "chocolate" mixed in, this item screamed to be blogged about before I had fully swallowed the first spoonful (The rest got thrown away). Not only was it not chocolaty, it wasn't minty either.  It fact, it wasn't anything.  Had I been fed this blindfolded, I might have guessed: "Some sort of yogurt with debris."  Do yourself a favor and give it a miss.  

 

Monday, January 19, 2015

There are several varieties of Progresso soups that we do regularly enjoy, so I decided to try one of the ones I always seem to walk past when we're perusing the soup aisle.  If you like "spicy hot", then this "tomato Florentine with Italian sausage" may be a good choice for you.  But we don't and all I can say is, I wish they'd warned us on the label.  It burned going down and left us wincing and thirsty.  It was not in any way a pleasant eating experience.  In fact, neither of us could finish our helping.


Monday, January 12, 2015

Who wouldn't get into the mood for a treat after spotting a package like this? Even from halfway across the supermarket, it seemed to sparkle and beckon. That eye-
grabbing electric blue, those meltingly-delicious-looking chocolate coated bars with their fluffy white filling...  I caved instantly.

And never will again.  Have you ever eaten candy that was all texture and no taste? That's what you get with these. It's an experience best described as "sticky mouthful of barely-
sweet debris."  The "marshmallow" filling is tough and almost tasteless and the "chocolate" shell breaks up into completely tasteless, hard, waxy shards that have to be chewed thoroughly because for some reason they just don't want to melt in your mouth. 

I'd only recommend these if you have to buy a gift for somebody you don't like.

Monday, January 5, 2015

While I'm usually not a fan of "high fat and salt", I do sometimes try a prepared dinner item.  Yesterday, I succumbed to this.

Note that it says "baked chicken breast" on the front of the box.  All I can say is, the corresponding item inside never came off the chicken in this condition. What you get is a sponge.  Well okay, a "tender white meat chicken with homestyle gravy and russet mashed potatoes" sponge.

"Flash frozen", it says on the back of the box.  Yes, but after what? A team of chefs attacking it with ice-picks round the clock in shifts for two weeks? Stuffing it through an industrial-capacity paper shredder?  Or did they hire somebody to pre-chew it for the consumer and then spit it back into their little black plastic dish before adding the gravy?  Sorry if I'm grossing you out, but that's exactly how the texture comes across.

This thing is not fit for human consumption.  I wouldn't feed it to a dog.  In fact, it would probably gag my kitchen sink disposer.